


A massive fuckup

by Blameitallonlarry



Series: A massive fuckup [1]
Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction, Ziam Palik - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Broken Friendship, Cheating, Depression, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Extremely Realistic, F/M, I'm so sorry, M/M, Suicide Attempts, Unrequired Love, sleeping disorders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2018-01-02 15:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blameitallonlarry/pseuds/Blameitallonlarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It should have been easy. Having millions of people screaming your name and giving money just to meet you. It should have been easy being in a worldfamous band. Except it wasn't. </p><p>Harry fell in love with his best friend along their journey, but tries to hide it. Louis is in love with his girlfriend; the perfect Eleanor and tries to make her his forever. Liam and Zayn tries to make it all work, while Niall tries to make them all stay together. </p><p>It's harder than they think and everyone gets hurt in the try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy and if you have any questions you can comment or/and ask on my twitter: Larrywastaken
> 
> A major thanks to everyone who reads, give kudos and bookmarks! Let me know what you think and if I should continue this. 
> 
> Kisses.

Harry was what you would call a completely normal teenage boy, except from the millions of fans from all around the world he had with his band. And the fact he had money enough to buy the half of the country if he wanted, but well besides that he was completely normal. He really was. 

It was completely normal to cry yourself to sleep every single night only to wake up two hours later without having the ability to fall asleep again, right? And it was normal to slit your wrist at least twice a day, right? And it was extremely normal to not really eat anything besides a couple of fruits for a whole week, right? And it really was normal to be ind love with your "best friend" and bandmate, right? Right?

Or so Harry thought. Because it really wasn't normal and if he thought about that he knew that, but he didn't wanted to be a massive fuckup, so he would let himself pretend he actually was normal. 

And while his insides broke with every breath he took, his smile only grew wider on the outside to let people think he was okay and normal. But some fans catched on his wierd behavior towards his bandmate and they started making rumors about a relationship between them. At first they would laugh about it and play it up for the fans, but then they grew apart from that. And then they would act like friends out of politeness. 

Harry regretted everything those nights; that he actually auditioned for that stupid x-factor and that he went through but only because he was being put in a band with four other boys who was all smiles and laughs all the time. Harry really tried to play it smooth. And honestly it did work because everyone thought he was normal and okay, Harry was sure of it. He had clearly missed the look on another boys face; a boy with curly hair like himself, with big brown puppy eyes and a smile that lighted up everyones world; Liam. Harry did not see the worried look on Liam's face. 

That was now about three years ago they auditioned for that program and got the third place. Even though they didn't win the competition, they won everyones hearts and soon they were signed with a management and soon they couldn't walk on the street without being regonized as the One Direction-boyband. 

They had changed a lot. Everyone of them. Zayn had looked oh so pretty with his big brown eyes hidden behind long dark eyelashes, with pouty lips and his short hair. Now he was a real badboy. His hair was shaved on the sides, but in a high quiff on the top and he always looked like he hadn't shaved for three days. His pouty lips only became even more red and sinfull. His eyes were the same, though. Still big and brown with long dark eyelashes. And they still kept a lot of secrets. Zayn always wore black and leather, and he had the most of his arms, his chest, a little of his back and his hips inked with amazing drawings of things that made sense to no one but himself. 

Niall had his hair cutted off. When he before had a bleachblonde fringe, he now had a blonde quiff with a brown bottom. He knew the fans edited pictures of him though, so his blonde hair would be either brown or purple. His teeth became straighter, because that was what the management wanted. Niall didn't care about that. The only thing he did care about was a diet they wanted him on. That leaved a really mad Niall eating everything in the fringe in revenge. Niall was the bands baby. He was still so innocent and so pure, and when Niall flirted with someone, his four bandmates came in the way, because they honestly wouldn't survive if his heart broke. Niall only laughed about that. He always did. He laughed and smiled all the time, always a happy and careless lad. Everyone loved him. 

Liam had grown from innocent to a complete greek god. Everyone fancied Liam. He had grown from cute to a younger edition of David Becham, but with pouty lips and with brown puppy eyes. No one could say no to them even when they tried their best. His fringe and his curls were cutted off and leaved him completely buzzheaded, but his hair had grown back eventually and he now wore it in a quiff. 

Then there were Louis. Louis who had always been so small with his petite hands and feet, but oh so sassy. And so curved like a woman and with that sinfull ass Harry just wanted to grab and bite and lick - and ok, you get the picture. His way to long fringe was cutted off in a shorter fringe back in the x-factor-time. Now he had a tousled fringe, a pushed back quiff or his hair completely out to the side in a little swirl. He had stubbles on his defined jaw and cheekbones and Harry wanted to kiss every single straw of hair on that boys (mans?) body. Louis had thin lips and when he smiled, the sun came out off his ass and he had slightly crooked teeth there were just perfect and that crinckle by his eyes send shivers down Harry's spine. Louis had a lot of tattoos himself like everyone but Niall. He even had a "H" tattooed on the lowest of his hips, just where his underwear were. He never talked about it, so no one really knew. It was made as a joke. When their management wanted to keep them innocent and clean and not to have tattoos, Louis and Harry had been fooling around and that resulted in Louis's "H" on his lower hips and Harry's "LT" just behind his ear hidden by his unruly curls. Louis had made the tattoo just on his sweet spot and it took Harry everything not to moan when Louis had kissed the hurting area just afterwards. They had been best friends for a while, back then when everything was so easy. They didn't thought they would ever drift apart. 

And lastly, Harry. Harry still had his very curly hair, but instead of a fringe, he now had it in a quiff, kinda, thingly hair. He sometimes wore a beanie or bandana to keep the hair away from his green eyes. He had a nosw which looked like a penis, thank you very much Louis and pouty girly lips. When he smiled, he had deep dimples in both cheeks and that made girls drool apoarently. He had grown a lot over the years. When he before had been a tad smaller than Louis, he was now a half head taller. He was lanky and way to skinny, but his defined abs made it unclear to fans to decide whether he were underweight or not. Harry was the one with the most ridiculous tattoos. He tattoed every memory in his skin so he would never forget them. He even had a lot of Louis memories inked. Where he bedore had been very pale and the tattoos very black, he was now tanned and golden and the tattos looked like they were a part of him. He loved his family and he would never hurt anyone on purpose. He always felt bad when their fans started crying when they met them on the stress and he always hugged them. 

Yes. That was the older Harry. Now he just wanted to lock himself in a small room, where he could cry and scream without anyone hearing it. He was so tired, so very tired. He stopped touching fans, actually people in general, and he stopped hugging the crying fans. It wasn't because he didn't care, but because he didn't had the energy. His golden skin became pale again and the tattoos looked so black and the scars so purple. 

People slowly noticed, but Louis remained obvious to everything. He didn't see when Harry scooped his food on Niall's plate when they didn't saw it. And he didn't heard the broken sobs late at night. He didn't hear the puking. He never saw the scars. He didn't see Harry wince away from his touches and he didn't hear the sadness in Harry's voice. But everyone else did.


	2. Chapter 2

As I opened my eyes, the memories came back to me; rushing through my veins and slamming on my insides; hurting so bad.

The memories of a friendship I once had. The memories of a sweet voice, petite hands and caring hugs. I remembered the long nights where we talked about how we were nervous about loosing x-factor, what we prefered in food and what we didn't like. Suddenly it felt better to have a nightmare than to be awake. I pressed my eyes together, but his face was like inked on the inside of my eyelids. 

Well how nice, I couldn't even wake up without the thought of him. 

A huge sigh and a couple of minutes and a new outfit later, I found myself standing in the kitchen. Since Louis had moved out I honestly had no reason to cook any food because no one would eat it anyways, so I just standed there, in a gigantic flat, all by myself in the kitchen and waited for Liam to arrive. 

Like he always did. 

Half an hour after I've woken up, he would casually walk in and ask me if I had eaten yet. And then he would put a plate down in front of me and then - "Harry, I'm heeeere!" I rolled my eyes. "That sounded awfully a lot like 'HONEY, I'M HOME!', I'm sorry, Harry," he continued. I could hear some shiftling around and about a minute or so later he came into the kitchen with a bag in one of his arms. "You look tired. How much did you sleep?" I just shrugged, because I honestly had no idea, but I knew it couldn't be much. It never was. "Sooo.... Are you hungry?" I just blinked at him. "I brought you some food. I can just place it in the fridge?" He nodded to himself when I only blinked in response again. "Yea, I'll just place it there - agai-Harry! I placed these in here a week ago, how come you still haven't eaten them?" I shrugged again. I hadn't spoke much since Louis moved in with his awful girlfriend Eleanor - okay, maybe she wasn't awful, but she was with the one I loved and that was awful enough. She didn't knew that though and he had no idea. So yes, I didn't speak that much, but I would still sing for the sake of our band. They didn't deserve this, I knew that. 

"We're going to a photoshoot today." Liam looked unsure of what my reaction might would be, but I just nodded and standed up, a little to fast, and almost fell fom dizzyness. My vision was blurry with white and black spots. My head spun around. "Easy there, tiger, we can't have that you hurt youself even more." I froze when Liam said that and his eyes widened. "I'm so sorry-I didn't mean to-Sorry?" I pushed past him, took my coat and made my way down to the car, where I sat myself in the back beside Zayn, who Liam already had picked up apparently. I must have looked confused, because Zayn smiled and opened his mouth a few times. "I slept at Liam's," he rushed out before Liam opened the door and sat himself in front of Zayn. 

"Niall and uhm, Louis and Eleanor are waiting at Starbucks, so we'll just pick them up there," Zayn said, looking up from his phone. Liam told the driver that and he nodded politely. We drove in silence. 

And then we suddenly stopped. I tensed up when I could hear the familiar laugh. The doors was opened and in came Eleanor with Louis in her heels. She smiled widely at me, but I only frowned back at her. They placed themself in front of me, and I wanted to puke my organs up. "Hello Hazza-bear, haven't seen you much around!" Louis smiled and reached to pat my shoulder, but I quickly moved. He was oblivious to the whole damn thing. Her girly smell filled the car with flowers or something like fucking that and it just annoyed the hell out of me. Like wtf, we're boys. We don't want fucking flowers in our car. Louis, ofcourse, didn't agree with my silent argument when he layed down on her shoulder and sniffed at her neck. 

When the car stopped again I happily got the fuck out of that flower-car before I went crazy. 

"Harry!" Lou's voice chipped up, when we came in. She swung her arms around me and Lux swung her tiny arms around my legs. "Ay!" She sounded so happy. She always called me "Ay", because she really couldn't say my name right. It was okay though. They were probably the only ones I didn't care about touching me. Lux was a kid and I couldn't bare to shove her away. And Lou had always been there, always would. 

"Okay, Liam, can you take Lux with Zayn? They need a portaitphoto of each of you, so I'll take one by one. Louis's first, then Niall, then Liam, then Zayn and lasty Harry. After that they want a group-photo, where you're all hot and fuckable!" She excitetly threw her hands in the air, but clapsed her hands over her mouth when she found Lux staring at her with big eyes. "Okay, Louis, come on, makeup and hair. Leave that girl alone! Louis!" She finally had him in her grisp and they walked into a small section way in the back. Harry could see them laughing and talking. 

"Are you okay, Harry?" Eleanor asked quietly when they were the only ones back. Yes, she was a sweet and caring girl. He just couldn't look at her without his stomach made wierd swurls. I nodded. "I can see in your eyes you're not. And on your wrist too. I'm so sorry. If only I could-", her voice silented when a loud laughter filled the room and Lux ran with both Zayn and Liam in her heels and a Niall who stood on the sideline. I had never been more thankful for Niall's laugh. 

Everything became a little silent after that. Soon it was Harry's turn and Lou greeted him with a smile. "He still doesn't know?" I shook my head. "He's so obvious, really. He talked about you. He still thinks you're the bestest of best friends. Talk to him soon?" I nodded, but she knew I wasn't going to. "You're so skinny, Harry. And the deep bags. I can hide it a little, but not much. Sleep, I'm begging you!" 

I felt like a fool when I was told to make poses. I hated that. "Come on, pout those sinful lips at us! Can we get emotion, Harry?" Do this, do that, this, that! 

I'm not a god damn fucking doll, can you please behave like I'm a human being? Cause I am! 

Everything around me stopped and everyone looked extremely shocked. "I guess I said that out alloud..." 

"So! Group photo it is," Liam cut in to cover the awkwardness up. 

Niall placed himself in front of me and Louis placed himself in front of me. 

Oh, I see where this is going. We're supposed to lift Niall and hold him up. I could do that. Yes, totally could. Or I could before a certain someone casually slung his arm around me and sloppily kissed my cheek for a quick picture. I frowned at the boy who didn't notice my stare. And that was when Niall jumped in in our arms, hitting my wrists in such a wrong way that I yelled up in pain. 

I could feel the blooddrops on my arms. "Omg Harry, what happened? Did you hurt youself when Niall jumped?" Louis was still so fucking dump. Liam pushed us out of the door and apologized to the - well to say shocked crew would be an.. well. They were beyond that, really. 

"Harry, breathe, push down on the wound. Why didn't you bandage this time?" Liam pushed at the wound which made Harry scream in pain. "What the fuck is going on?! Can someone fucking tell my anything!" Louis stopped arruptly. 

"Harry, it's time to tell him." My eyes widened. No, not like this. He can't know. He can't-oh, Zayn didn't mean my crush. He meant why I'm bleeding. 

"Harry, show him then," Liam continued for Zayn. I slowly pulled my sleeve up to reveal the open wounds and scars on my arm. The blood dripping down on the grass under us and my whole world dizzy. I'm falling asleep. I'm slowly letting the blackness numb me. It lets me sleep. I just want to sleep and be numbed. The last I feel before the black takes over, is gently pats on my cheeks and sobs from a person I once knew. Someone I once loved, someone who once loved me back. I smiled.


End file.
